Bunta's Book on Rikkai's Rules
by Constalina
Summary: As the title says. Bunta's overexaggerated tales.
1. My introduction

Author's note: I ask myself why I love writing on Rikkai

**Author's note**: I ask myself why I love writing on Rikkai. Ah well… Enjoy!

Heya! I am the tensai of Rikkai. The expert vollier. The Magician. The ball of… oh wait… NIOU! GET OUT OF MY FANFIC ACCOUNT! Stupid Niou… Your favourite redhead. No not freaking Kikumaru. Or Mukahi. They are NOT tensais. And DO NOT start thinking about Fuji or Oshitari. They don't have red hair. And none of them are attending the undefeatable Rikkai. Yes, you are reading the Jirou-hara… NIOU! ... I mean… I am Marui Bunta!

I'll tell you what this fic is about. This is about the rules of Rikkai told by yours truly. Yes, Rikkai has rules. Yes, we are insane. And need rules. Yukimura's rules. And these are the tales of us breaking them.

Anyway, I hope you enjoy reading this fic! Oh, and one teensy weensy little thing. Does anyone here not like Fuji Syuusuke? Everyone likes him? Good. Who knows what might have happened if you raised your hand…

**Author's note**: That has got to be the shortest fic I have ever written. But it's only a prologue, so I can relax. For now…


	2. The First Rule

**Author's note: **Awesome! I get to work on this chapter! Seriously, I ran out of ideas. A well, just enjoy! PP: FujiBun, Platinum, sight Sweet, slight KiriBun

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**Bunta's note: **Phew, at least I managed to find a place where I can type in peace. Meaning that Niou's sick for the day. All of Rikkai are celebrating, including the teachers. The only one who seems slightly upset is Yagyuu. Slightly.

**Rule one: **Never take fukubuchou's cap. No matter how terrible it looks. I may like Fuji Syuusuke, but I think that Sanada looks a deal hotter without his cap

**Punishment: **Buchou didn't need to put one. This isn't a rule, it's a LAW. Don't ask why we tried to break it.

**Rule breakers: **Niou Masaharu, Kirihara Akaya. Poor kid…

**The Story:**

"Don't do it, Niou," warned Yagyuu. "It isn't worth it."

"I'm not the one who will take it," replied Niou. "Chibi Seaweed's going to take it."

"Dragging Kirihara into it?" said Jackal. "Niou, does he even know what the consequence is?"

"Nope," said Niou evily. "I burnt his copy of 'The Rikkai Rules'"

"Jeez, getting someone else to do your dirty work," I mumbled. "Okay, but if I had a choice between your funeral, or Kirihara's, I'd pick the bratling's. You are attempting suicide and murder Niou."

"Whatever," said Niou boredly. He sped off, leaving the others behind. I turned to Yagyuu.

"And _he's _your boyfriend," I said, shaking my head. Yagyuu smiled slightly.

"I still love him," Yagyuu replied calm, and followed Niou. I looked up at Jackal. Okay, I have height issues. At least I'm not as bad as Mukahi Gakuto. Or Echizen Ryoma.

"I hope Kirihara had a death wish before accepting Niou's offer," I said. Jackal smiled

"He doesn't need one," said Jackal.

"WHAT?! Why not?!" I demanded.

"Because Kirihara Akaya is half-angel, half-devil."

"Pssf. Angel?"

"He has the chibified eyes."

"Oh, right." Jackal followed Niou and Yagyuu. "Hey! Wait!" Niou turned around.

"I bet you can't catch me! You've become obese!" he called.

"Bastard! Freaking scum!" I screeched. We chased each other for a while. I caught up to him, we exchanged punches. Of course they weren't that hard, we were sort of friends after all. Okay, we aren't that close so the punches were pretty hard. I had a nosebleed and a few bruises. Nothing to worry about my loyal fans! Marui Bunta is still in one piece!

_Later…_

"Hey! I got it!" called Kirihara. He was waving a black cap at my face. "Where's Niou-sempai?" I stared at the black cap. I grabbed Kirihara's wrist.

"Run. Now," I commanded. Kirihara looked confused at me.

"What? Why?" I glared at him.

"Normally, I'd leave you to get punished. But you don't deserve this. You don't know what this is going to do."

"What? What will happen?"

"Sanada bomb."

"… A what?"

"Do you really want to know?" Kirihara probably looked at my face, because he looked uncomfortable.

"Uh, no…"

"Good, now run!"

"Wait, what about the cap?" I think I was trying to be heroic or something. I grabbed the cap from my idiot kouhai.

"Run! I'll hide the cap!" Kirihara hugged me. God was it suffocating! I mean, I do have height issues! He's freaking taller than me, and I couldn't freaking breathe!

"Thanks Marui-sempai!" I pushed him away.

"God! You idiot! Stick to Yukimura, and I'll stick to Fuji." Kirihara blushed and ran. He turned around.

"Can I speak in your funeral?" he called. That really made me angry.

"Just run, you jackass!" I screamed. I turned around and ran out of Rikkai. I swear, an atomic bomb hit Rikkai, I could hear it as I ran away.

"WHERE IS IT?!" I heard Sanada fukubuchou scream. Screaming is an understatement. Not wanting to get Seishun in trouble (because Fuji's there and all), I turned to the third of the 'circle'. Hyoutei.

_At Hyoutei…_

"OH HOLY JIGOKU! IT'S…" began Jirou. I had clapped my hand over his mouth.

"Listen, and listen good, Jirou," I whispered. "If you do something for me, would you like something from me in return?" Jirou nodded eargerly. I took my hand off his mouth. "Thank you Jirou." Thank God for faithful fans!

"So what is it you want?" he asked, his voice level mimicking mine. I handed him the cap.

"Hide this for me until I tell you to take it out. And you mustn't tell anyone about this. Understand?" Jirou nodded.

"Easy peasy!" he chirped, jumping up and down with the cap.

"What is it you want from me Jirou?" I asked. Hey, I may be a bit insane, but I keep my deals! Jirou stopped jumping and stared at me with adoring eyes.

"Simple. Allow me to do whatever I want with you while you're naked." Shit. I should have known then that fans always want to see us naked. I did whatever I had to do to avoid the Sanada bomb. I must have looked horrified. Jirou blushed.

"Well, you offered…" he said, faltering. I realized he was doing a great deal for me; I had to do something for him.

"Okay, I'll do it. Just hide it!"

_Later…_

Jirou had a huge smile on his face when we were walking to his house. After we walked into Jirou's room, I took off my clothes. The next part is well… too long… Hey! I did not have sex with him! There are other long things! Like he took his clothes off and he decided to play board games with me. I guess that he wanted to keep his innocence…

_Next day…_

"Marui-sempai!" I turned around to find Kirihara running towards me. "Thank you!" He jumped onto me and hugged and kissed me. On the cheek of course.

"YOU IDIOT! I'M SMALLER THAN YOU!" I screeched. "GET OFF YOU BASTARD!"

Marui Bunta saves the day! Want to know what happened to Sanada?

According to Yagyuu, he slapped the whole club except Yukimura and the Rikkai regulars, who had taken the clue to run away.

Happy endings, right? No such thing in Rikkai. The next rule got broken the next day. But you have to wait for the next chapter for that.

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**Author's note: **Not bad, if I do say so myself. Not bad at all. Now to Calming Therapy… By the way, keep voting in the poll!


	3. The Unfair Second Rule

**Author's note: **I am really bad with thinking of ideas, sorry… PP: FujiBun, Platinum, Uke,

**Bunta's note:** Ah, damnit. I've got a cold. Niou's back and the first thing he did was pour a bucket of super cold water on my head. I swear I can barely type. So numb… So dum… See? Niou's tampering with this fic already! AND IT'S ONLY THE FREAKING AUTHOR'S NOTE!

**Rule two: **Lalala… That was Niou, sorry… Do not make fun of Yukimura's hobby. Seriously. Just don't.

**Punishment: **It depends on how much you mock him.

**Rule breakers: **Niou Masaharu, and… me… It really was an accident.

**The Story:**

"Kirihara, can I please have my copy of 'The Rikkai Rules' back?" asked Yagyuu.

"I don't have it," said Kirihara, reading the book. I facepalmed.

"Idiot!" I mumbled.

"Relax yourself Marui," said Yukimura, smiling. "Kirihara, give Yagyuu's book back."

"I don't have it!" wailed Kirihara. Niou, who was behind Kirihara, snatched the book.

"Hey, this isn't Yagyuu's copy, it's mine! What the HELL are you doing with my copy, brat?!" he yelled.

"I was borrowing it! You don't have to yell at me! Wah! Niou-sempai's being mean!" Kirihara was sobbing. I walked behind Jackal, and started banging my head on his back. Jackal sighed.

"What are you doing, Bunta?" he asked.

"You are a wall. People bang their heads on walls. Got a problem with it?" I said. Jackal facepalmed. Yukimura stood up.

"Niou, Kirihara was just borrowing it. Can he have it back?" he asked sweetly.

"Why should I? It's my book," Niou snapped. Yukimura frowned. He leant over to Niou, and whispered something in his ear. Niou's eyes widened. "You wouldn't."

"I can." Yukimura was smiling evilly. Niou doesn't really show it, but he, like everyone else, is terrified of Yukimura. Only Fuji isn't afraid of him. I love Fuji… Grumbling, Niou gave the book back to Kirihara, just as the bell rung. Kirihara skipped out.

"I hate Yukimura sometimes," growled Niou. I shrugged.

"What can we do?" I said, yawning. Yagyuu frowned.

"Please don't tell you you're looking for revenge, Niou," he said. Niou smirked.

"No duh," he said. Jackal and I looked at each other, and then laughed. "What's funny?"

"Yukimura is literally perfect! You'll never find anything to humiliate him with!" said Jackal. Niou glared at us.

"Watch me," he growled. Jackal and I looked at Yagyuu, who shrugged, before running up to Niou.

"I really don't like this," I said, frowning.

"Buchou will be fine," said Jackal. "He always is." I wasn't satisfied. After school, I took a bus to Seigaku. I really couldn't believe I had the guts to ask Fuji Syuusuke something _alone_.

_Seigaku…_

I walked out of the bus, slightly freaked out. The guy who sat behind me looked like Jirou.

Well, it _was_ Jirou, and he was sitting beside the mushroom haired kid. I think his name was Hiyoshi or something. I thanked the gods for the fact that Jirou had a tendency to sleep. Hiyoshi gave me a heart attack when he stood up and looked at me.

"Gekokujyou," he had said, before sitting down. And I thanked the gods again that he only says that word. I was kind of surprised that Jirou didn't notice me because my family's hair colour is… unique… It is a unique shade of RED. Not pink, RED. My brothers think its pink… Ah, I'm a poet, and I didn't even know it.

When the bus left, I took out a strawberry flavoured doughnut, and bit it to calm my nerves. I walked into the gates of Seigaku.

I sort of stood out, but not much. I wasn't tall (shut up, it's not like I _chose_ to be the shortest Rikkai regular), and most of the school uniforms are the same. You know, white shirt and black pants. It was just… It wasn't everyday that someone with SLIGHTLY pinkish red hair and faded purple eyes came to a school. Some of the kids stared at me. Some of them were whispering something. I ignored them, looking for the tennis courts.

Seriously, Seigaku has to come with a map. It's huge. I still wonder how Kirihara found his way to the courts without help.

"Um… Are you okay?" I jumped, dropping my doughnut. And it was a good damn doughnut too… I picked it up it disgust, dirt all over the frosting. I turned around to see two girls behind me.

"Are you a reporter?" demanded one of the girls.

"Do I look like one?" I snapped.

"Do you need help?" asked the other girl.

"Where are the tennis courts?" I asked bluntly, still angry about the doughnut. One girl pointed right, the other pointed left. I facepalmed.

"Uh… Nevermind," I said walking off. I popped some bubblegum in my mouth. Bubblegum ROX!

"Marui Bunta, what are you doing here?" Okay, I spit my bubblegum out. I turned around. Fuji Syuusuke was behind me. I blushed.

"Hi… Fuji…" I said weakly. He looked as handsome as ever. Then I noticed Echizen behind him.

"It's rude to litter," said Fuji, smiling as usual. Echizen whispered something in his ear, and Fuji chuckled. I started sweating.

"Um… I need to ask you questions," I said, trying to sound calm. Fuji's eyes opened slightly, and I nearly fainted. Echizen raised his eyebrow, and walked away.

"What is it, then?"

"You know Yukimura very well, right?" Fuji looked slightly disappointed.

"Yes."

"Does he have anything about him that is blackmail material? I mean, I won't blackmail him or anything…" He walked closer, and I felt the air thin.

"I don't believe you'd blackmail anyone, besides for food. As for Yukimura, he does something that Niou Masaharu would consider girly." I stepped back.

"I didn't say anything about Niou!" Fuji shrugged.

"You really didn't have to. Do you want to know what it is?" I shivered, and then nodded. He stepped closer, and told me what it was. He stepped back. "Laugh now, if you want." I shook my head.

"Even if he looks like a girl, I didn't expect him to do… that…"

"Why not?" I blushed.

"Well… you look like a girl, but you don't really do things like that." We looked at each other for a while. Then Fuji stepped forward, and placed his hand on my waist. I gasped as I realised what was going to happen. "Fuji…?"

"Then let's hope I don't kiss like a girl," he said softly. He placed his other hand on the back of my head, and pulled me closer. Man, was I shocked. His lips were so soft… Anyway, after what seemed like an eternity, we parted. Fuji licked his lips. "Sweet. So very sweet." He pulled me closer again, but I panicked. Okay, I was always panicking, but come on. This is FUJI SYUUSUKE we're talking about! I pulled back.

"Thanks for the information Fuji!" I half-yelled, eyes closed. I ran out of Seigaku.

_Next day…_

"Marui, why was Fuji upset when he called me?" asked Yukimura. "He kept on talking about you." I turned red.

"My business," I snapped. Yukimura looked slightly shocked.

"… He's my friend, I'm just trying to help him."

"Ugh… It's my business! Keep out of it!"

"Marui are you okay? You don't seem like yourself…" I glared at Yukimura.

"Go back to your gardening and leave me ALONE!" I clasped my hands over my mouth. "Crap! Did I just say that?!" Niou's eyes sparkled. Yanagi opened his notebook. Kirihara stared at Yukimura. Sanada, Jackal, and Yagyuu stared at me. Yukimura was pale.

"Did you just say…?" he whispered.

"You do gardening, buchou?" asked Niou, snorting. "Gardening?! What do you garden? Daisies? Roses?" Niou laughed.

"I'm sorry, buchou! I didn't mean to, I mean… Sorry!" I said, panicking. Yukimura's eyes were shadowed.

"I always thought it was your younger sister that did your garden, because it looks great and all. Maybe you should quit tennis and join a gardening comp, buchou," mocked Niou. Everyone whitened. Yukimura snapped.

"Marui, Niou. I'll have a match with both of you. Then you will do a thousand laps around the city. Then you will drink one cup of the juice," he said coldly. I nearly vomited thinking of the juice.

Anyway, after we did that, suffering heaps of humiliation, we literally didn't wake up until the next day. God, don't I hate Niou.

**Author's note: **I think I was too harsh on Bunta… I think gardening is girly, sue me.


End file.
